Reflections

Writing in a journal is one of my favorite ways to unwind after a long day.   It's great for capturing reflections on life - the happy moments, lessons learned, observations, and everything in between. I keep mine near my bed so that I can also write down any inspirational thoughts and “a-ha!” moments that may come to me in the wee hours of the night.  I like to draw in my journals as well.  I have found journaling to be a very centering and calming exercise. 

Do you journal?  If so, what are some of the things you like to capture in yours?  Here's a photo of one of mine.   A journal doesn't have to be fancy like this one to serve its purpose.  In fact, my others have been plain leather-bound books and even Composition notebooks.  I confess that Composition notebooks are my favorite, and I’ve filled quite a few of those over the years!

Believe

"What good is an idea if it remains an idea?  Try. Experiment. Iterate. Fail. Try again. Change the world." - Simon Sinek

Do you have an idea that can change the world?  How will you implement it?  Never doubt that you can make a difference.  No voice is too small.  There is no limit to what you can achieve - if you believe.

I believe in you.

'Tis The Season To Be... Sad?

It’s a time of joy, merriment, and festive gatherings.   A time to catch up with relatives and friends we may not have the chance to see often during the year.   A warm glow fills our hearts and nourishes our souls.  It truly is the most wonderful time of the year….

Sounds perfect, doesn’t it?  The reality is that for many people the holidays are anything but merry.  Now I’m not trying to bring you down.  This is a positive place and our goal is to find joy in every day.  But the truth is that a great number of individuals suffer from depression during the holidays, and for a wide variety of reasons.  So I want to take a moment to acknowledge this fact and also provide some information that might help someone you know, or help you, get through this tough time of year.

The first thing I want to say is that it's important that you acknowledge what you are feeling.  Also, understand that what you are feeling is real.  It is not imagined, it is not "silly" or "ridiculous".  It is real and it is not at all trivial.  If you should find yourself giving in to the stress of trying to pull off the perfect holiday for your family, or you are feeling down because you are single, or are lonely because your loved ones are far away or have passed on, know that you are not alone.  Know, too, that there are ways to cope with these feelings.  Mayo Clinic offers some great advice which includes setting realistic goals for yourself when it comes to hosting the holidays at your home, or attending social gatherings.  I'll provide the link to that and other information at the end of this post.   

But I want to focus on the sadness that people face when they are alone at the holidays.  It’s something I think about all the time when I gather with my family and I am sure I am not the only one who does.   There are many people who are alone because they are unable to travel long-distance to see family or they may be elderly and have no surviving relatives or friends.  If you know someone that falls into this category, make an effort to reach out to them during the holidays to check-in and ask how they are doing.  Perhaps stop by and pay them a visit.  Or invite them to your house for a visit.  Send a Christmas card, an e-mail, or my personal favorite – call them on the phone.    Connecting with people does wonders to lift a person’s mood and if they have limited contact with people to begin with, your card or call will be especially welcome.

If you are one of the millions of people who suffer from loneliness and depression at the holidays, take heart.  According to Robert Leahy, Ph.D. Director of the American Institute for Cognitive Therapy in New York City, "you may feel alone, but you are not.  Forty-five percent of the adult population (104 million people) is single.  Twenty-seven percent of households are a person living alone."  A study conducted in the UK in 2014 found that 25,000 elderly people were alone at Christmas.  While the statistics might make us feel a little better knowing that others share our sadness, they do little in the way of providing actual benefit to our well-being.  It’s also very hard to turn off the negative thoughts when you have all day to focus on them because you aren’t attending all the parties and gatherings.  But there is something to be said for keeping busy.  Because keeping busy takes our focus off of those repetitive negative thoughts, even for a little while.

Filling up time with activities that are joyful in nature may seem nearly impossible for a person who finds no joy in the holidays, I get it.  But it is possible.  The bonus is that it is also good for your health.  One of the best ways to keep busy in a way that is productive and meaningful is to volunteer.  In fact, volunteering has been shown to have positive health benefits on those who give and devote their time to helping others.  Studies have shown that volunteering and giving in general improves our mental and physical well-being.  A recent study conducted by the Corporation for National and Community Services in Washington, DC found that “volunteer activities can strengthen the social ties that protect individuals from isolation during difficult times, while the experience of helping others leads to a sense of greater self-worth and trust.”   There are many benefits which are detailed in the study, which I have provided a link for below in addition to another conducted in 2006 by the National Institutes of Health.  This fascinating research studied MRIs of subjects and found that giving released endorphins which in turn had a positive effect on the feelings of those who gave.  Volunteering has been shown to decrease stress levels and help with depression, as evidenced in the findings of the two studies mentioned here.

Ready to give it a try?  There are a number of opportunities to make a difference in your community.  Here are a few suggestions:                

• Your local soup kitchen could use help serving meals on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. 

• There are many families who are in need of help and could use some holiday cheer.  Reaching out to your local Social Services office or Salvation Army is a great way to obtain the name of a family in need.  Many run “Adopt a Family” programs for the holidays.

• Your local place of worship may need volunteers for various holiday drives and services

• Nursing homes are always in need of volunteers.  Look into events that are taking place during the holidays or on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.  For many seniors, this may be the only time they receive visitors. 

• Meals on Wheels and other food rescue organizations like America’s Second Harvest can provide you with information on volunteering, or which organizations may need help delivering meals to home bound individuals.

• Many military families could use holiday cheer.  Children of deployed men and women serving overseas are missing their mothers and fathers.  Organizations like Operation Gratitude can provide you with information on how you can bring some holiday joy to military families this season.

•  Veterans in hospitals or residences could benefit from a visit or some help.  Reach out to your local VA or other non-profit veteran’s organizations to inquire about volunteer opportunities.

The most important thing to remember is that there is always help if you need it, and an opportunity to help others in need.   Click on the links below for more information on coping with the holiday blues and how volunteering can bring you and those you help joy.  Of course, if you feel that your depression is overwhelming please seek help.  There are professionals available 24/7 to assist you.  This link will provide you with important numbers to call: 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/lifetime-connections/201611/3-holiday-depression-myths

Additional links:

http://www.dana.org/Briefing_Papers/Holiday_Blues__Getting_the_Facts__Forgetting_the_Myth/

http://www.webmd.com/depression/features/25-ways-find-joy-balance-during-holidays#1

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress/art-20047544

Here are the links to the two studies I referenced:

https://www.nationalservice.gov/pdf/07_0506_hbr.pdf

http://content.timesleaderonline.com/?p=568523/Giving-back-brings-joy-to-local-volunteers.html/

Wishing you all a happy and healthy holiday season!

There are endless possibilities for making a lasting impact in our community when we work together.   

GIVING THANKS AND GIVING BACK

Thanksgiving is a great time to volunteer with family.  If you're looking for ways to help in your local community, please visit the link below:

https://www.volunteermatch.org/search/index.jsp?l=united+states&k=thanksgiving

You can also reach out to your local soup kitchen or social services office to find out how you can assist them this holiday season.  

Wishing you and your families a very Happy Thanksgiving.

Costumes, Candy, and Caring

This is my favorite time of year. While I love the warmer weather and extended daylight hours of summer, the colors and aromas of the fall season can’t be beat as far as I’m concerned.   Pumpkin pie, cinnamon, apple cider, and banana bread.  These are a few of my favorite fall things.  It’s also the season of Halloween, a holiday that I’ve adored since childhood.

I mean, what’s not to love about Halloween?  Children and pets dressed in adorable costumes, the ability to be someone (or something) else for a day, ghost stories, and the seemingly endless flow of sweet treats.   But for all its awesomeness, I’ve found in my conversations with people throughout my life that Halloween is a holiday that they’re either “all in” for or don’t care for at all.  As hard as I’ve tried over the years to convince the latter group, I just couldn’t bring them over to the “spooky” side.  But I think this year might be the year I succeed.  I have an activity that I think will win even the most-stubborn of you over to the candy corn and Jack O’ Lantern way of life.   For those of us who are already subscribers, it’ll make you love it all the more.

Operation Gratitude is a non-profit that collects leftover Halloween candy which they use to create care packages for American troops deployed overseas.  The candy is included in the packages with other necessities which arrive in time for the holidays in December.   Candy is also sent to the troops for distribution to children in the cities where they are stationed to help show good will on behalf of the US military.

This is an amazing organization that has been sending packages out to troops since 2003.  We’ve been running the Candy for Heroes drive at my company for the last 8 years.  It’s amazing the amount of candy that we are able to collect.  Let’s face it, how much candy can we really eat?  Most of it is thrown away after the 31st. Candy that otherwise would have been wasted (or eaten!) can be put to good use.  Operation Gratitude also sends 200,000+ care packages throughout the year to veterans, first responders, new recruits, wounded heroes, and military families waiting at home.  Since its inception volunteers have shipped 1.6 million care packages.  Amazing!

In addition to candy, you can write letters to the troops for inclusion in care packages as well.  This is a great activity which parents can do with their children, teachers can do with their classes, and companies can do with their employees.  Follow the link below more information on the 2016 Candy for Heroes drive:

https://opgrat.wordpress.com/2013/07/18/halloween-candy-for-the-troops/

So to recap, you can donate leftover candy instead of eating it (always a plus for me!) and brighten the day for a soldier who is far away from home at the holidays.  

What’s not to love about Halloween?

Connect, Inspire, Empower. Rinse. Repeat.

Today I was thinking about how many times I’ve exchanged a “How are you?” with someone in passing and we actually stopped to hear each other’s response.  Sadly, not many times come to mind.  The era of go, go, go has taken its toll on human connection.  Ironic when you think of how connected we are from a technology standpoint.  Social media and apps keep us plugged in, tuned in, and checked-in to everything that is going on around us 24/7.  Yet more and more people are feeling isolated, depressed, and lonely.  This is concerning because human connection and social interaction (in-person interaction) is necessary for mental and physical health. 

Emma Seppälä, Ph.D. who is the Science Director of Stanford University’s Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education, and author of "The Happiness Track" (Harper One, 2016) discusses this in a 2012 article for Psychology Today entitled “Connect to Thrive”.  The article states that “decline in social connectedness may explain reported increases in loneliness, isolation, and alienation and may be why studies are finding that loneliness represents one of the leading reasons people seek psychological counseling. Those who are not socially connected are more vulnerable to anxiety, depression, antisocial behavior, and even suicidal behaviors which tend to further increase their isolation.” 

Clearly connecting with others is important in maintaining a happy and balanced life, not to mention a healthy one.  So why are we doing less of it?  People I’ve spoken with about this topic cite crazy schedules and too many other “responsibilities” as the reason why they don’t see their friends or family as often as they once did.  “There’s just not enough time in the day anymore” or “I’m exhausted when I get home from work, the last thing I want to do is go out” seem to be recurring themes in conversations I have with friends, family members, and colleagues.  When it comes to work it’s even worse. We run from meeting to meeting.  More people are eating lunch at their desks than ever before or working through lunch to keep up with projects and workload. This has led to less interaction and increased isolation among employees.  So it's important for leaders to be present and aware of what their teams are feeling.

Social interaction and connection is as important in the workplace as it is in our personal lives, for the same reasons cited in Dr. Seppälä’s article.  The issue is that many leaders believe that being “connected” is the same as having a “connection” with their people.   The reality is that the two couldn’t be more different.  Texting and Skyping may be good ways to stay connected, but they don’t hold a candle to meeting in person.  The increasing popularity of working remotely only adds to the challenge of staying connected.  Now more than ever, it is important for leaders to promote an environment of collaboration and social interaction by taking an active interest in their direct reports.  That means talking about non-work related topics as well as projects and goals.  Travel for leaders with remote teams in other locations must be budgeted for and should be encouraged. 

Great leaders know that they can achieve outstanding results by forging strong relationships with their people.   It may seem like a given, but you’d be surprised just how many managers fail to grasp this seemingly obvious fact.   Strong leaders invest their time in mentoring and teaching.   These individuals understand that a leader is as much a teacher and coach as she is a supervisor.   

The importance of making emotional connections as leaders was also cited in a 2012 Harvard Business Review article entitled “Three Ways Leaders Make Emotional Connections”. The article highlighted engaging people in discussion and giving your employees your undivided attention as key ways of building strong relationships that foster engagement and teamwork.   And while a leader’s ability to connect with his employees is key to their development, growth, and willingness to stay, the ability for a leader to connect employees to each other is just as important.  

Initiating conversations between employees and encouraging cross-department collaboration is another very important skill that leaders must master.  Encouraging and empowering employees to share knowledge with peers in other departments who could benefit from the information breaks down walls, eliminates silos, builds trust, and forges strong relationships.

Giving Is Receiving (Just Give Something People Would Actually Like To Receive)

If you’ve ever purged your closets in preparation for the next season, then you are familiar with the “donation pile”.  You know what I’m talking about, right? That little mountain of clothes, shoes, and accessories that starts forming on the bedroom floor as you go through your drawers, shelves, and bins.   Things that no longer fit or stuff we look at and wonder “what was I thinking when I bought this?”.   If you have kids, the pile is even bigger.  They’re constantly moving from trend to trend.  Last year’s “must have” is this year’s cast-off. 

The good news is that there are plenty of great non-profits that accept donations of clothing and accessories for people of all ages.  Big Brothers Big Sisters, Dress for Success, Bottomless Closet and Career Gear are just a few.   Many soup kitchens, shelters, and places of worship also accept clothing donations.  Check your local community for a non-profit near you.

Items don’t have to be brand new, and “gently worn” is ok.  There are definite no-no’s, however.  Stained or dirty clothing, and items that are torn, excessively worn, or have holes in them are not acceptable. A good rule of thumb when assessing an item’s donation-worthiness is to ask yourself this question: “Would I let one of my family members wear this?”  If your answer is “no”, then toss it. 

If you’re really stumped, you can call the non-profit and inquire about their donation guidelines.  I recommend this because guidelines sometimes vary from organization to organization and some may be stricter than others depending on the type of items they collect.

The worst thing you could do is just put everything you don’t want in a bag and drop it off at the non-profit for them to sort.  This is bad for many reasons:

1.     It takes a long time to sort through clothing and accessories (I know this first hand having performed this task as a volunteer). It takes hours to go through bags of clothing donations

2.     The non-profits are not staffed with enough people to go through literally hundreds of bags of donations to separate the wearable from non-wearable items

3.     The time it takes for volunteers to sort through items and discard things that cannot be worn is time taken away from another important task a volunteer could be doing

4.     It's a matter of dignity.  The people who receive the items deserve to have clothing that is not stained and ripped

You know that great feeling you get when you put on a brand new outfit for the first time?  The boost of confidence it gives you?  The extra spring it puts in your step?  That’s the same feeling the person who receives your clothes will feel when they put on their “new” outfit.  Think of that as you gather your donations. 

Remember that someone who is in great need will be receiving your items. Something that may be “old” to you will be brand new to them. 

Giving is good. Let’s give good things.